Our continuing story...the IUI's

We began trying naturally for our second child when our daughter, C, was just 9 months old.  When she turned 3 we figured it was time to look back into getting some fertility help.  It takes 9 months (ironic much?) to get an appointment with the local (only) clinic here, so C was 4 before we had more testing done.  Those tests revealed that I was again "normal" albeit older, and J now had only 1% normal morphology.  We were back to where we began, only a little worse off this time.  We again decided to try IUI.

We did the first IUI cycle unmedicated in April 2011, because I was convinced that all that was needed was to get the boys closer to the goal.  It didn't work.  The second IUI was done with meds and timed with OPK`s.  It also didn`t work.  Through circumstance and timing it was nearly a full year before we tried our third IUI in Dec/11.  At that point I was ready to go ahead with IVF, but wanted to do a natural cycle IVF.  The fertility Dr.told me that doing a natural cycle was very difficult and financially risky, as the process and dollar amount was the same, but the chance of missing the egg or not getting a fertilization were very high.  He suggested instead doing a mini IVF, with low dose meds, so that we would get more than one egg, but not the large amounts that would come from a traditional IVF.  In order to determine my response to meds, we agreed to do two final cycles of clomid with IUI, only this time we would use ultrasound to check follicle response.  I went for my first ultrasound to check the follicles and I had 5 large follicles, 3 of them were mature, so I was told to use an HCG trigger shot to induce ovulation.  I triggered and two weeks later AF showed up.  Another failed cycle.  We used the same protocol for my fourth and would-be final shot at IUI.  I tested out the trigger shot with hpt's, and although I really wasn't expecting any different outcome, I was still holding on to some hope.  It was a true celebration when I saw that very faint little line start to reappear on the tests.  I watched the lines on the hpt start to get darker daily until there was no mistaking it.  Our "final" IUI had worked.  We were finally pregnant after so many years of trying.

Looking back now, I think I must have known it wasn't going to end well, because I insisted on getting a very early ultrasound.  When I asked the Dr. for one, I said it was to determine if there was more than one baby, and to make sure that it was in the right spot.  I remember saying to the Dr that I wanted to make sure it wasn't ectopic.  I went for my ultrasound on March 2nd.  I honestly can say that it has been the worst day of my life so far.  The tech placed the wand on my stomach, and then started asking me questions.  "Are you sure of your dates?".  "You've had a positive pregnancy test?".  "Have you had any bleeding?".  "You're sure you are pregnant?".  At that point I knew.  I knew what was happening.  The tech said it was probably just too early to see anything yet, and maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought, and that I should reschedule for a couple of weeks later.  I refused to leave.  I knew my dates.  Knew that it was 6 weeks from the start of my last cycle.  Knew exactly what day I had conceived.  And I immediately knew what was about to be said to me.  So, I insisted that they do an internal ultrasound.  The tech pulled the images up on the screen, and then he turned the screen away.  That's when I started to cry.  He didn't even need to say a word to confirm my very worst fear was being realized.

I went straight from that ultrasound to the hospital ER.  I was going to be losing my baby that day.  I've made my peace with it now, and am able to live my life in the present, but thinking back to that day, reliving the emotions still stings.  The hospital confirmed the ectopic, and then confirmed something the ultrasound tech never told me.  The little being stuck in my right fallopian tube had a beating little heart.  Somehow that made what I was about to go through so much worse.  The Dr told me that I'd need to have surgery.  That I was likely to lose the right tube along with the embryo.  My baby.  My long awaited, hard fought for baby was going to be cut out of me.  I spent the most of the rest of the afternoon crying my heart out.

I had the surgery that evening, and awoke from the anesthetic to be told that I indeed did lose my tube as well as the baby.  They told me that it was on the verge of rupture and it did rupture when they touched my tube.  My physical recovery was good.  I only needed one dose of pain medication as I was coming out of the anesthesia, and nothing more after that.  It was the emotional recovery that was hard.  I cried on and off for a couple of weeks afterwards.  I was resolved to move forward, however, and have done just that.  Even though I had said that IUI#4 was our last one before going ahead with IVF, my Dr and I decided that because it had worked once, it could work again.  Once I was healed from the surgery and had a couple of normal cycles and a repeat HSG test, I jumped right back into the same protocol.  IUI#5 failed also, and then we were on to IUI#6 in June/12.  Again I triggered and was in the TWW.  I again tested out the trigger shot, and towards the end of the cycle the second line came back.  It was faint, but there.  I had again succeeded in becoming pregnant.  I went for HCG blood work that showed the HCG was very, very low (only 7miu) and in the next two HCG checks it had doubled but then started to drop again.  I'd had a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage.

Since two out of four IUI's had given us positive tests, we decided again to keep going.  IUI#7 failed, but then IUI#8 in October/12 worked.  Again I got to see two pink lines show back up on the hpts.  That one unfortunately also ended as a chemical pregnancy, the only difference is that it threw my whole system for a loop and screwed up my cycles until just recently.

That brings me up to date.  We have begun our 9th IUI cycle, but there are some changes this time.  I went for some recurrent loss testing after the second chemical, and the results show that I have heterozygous factor V leiden.  A clotting disorder, that can cause recurrent miscarriage.  I would have had this gene mutation during my first pregnancy too, so I am even more grateful now than I was that my daughter is here.  She truly is a miracle.